I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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