idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Alive.
So much puke
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
