i think my tv is drunk
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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