So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
