his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
