I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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