So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
