there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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