Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
