I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
