Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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