We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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