Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Congratulations! We have a period
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
