I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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