You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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