dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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