I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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