Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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