I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
