Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
