drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
