I am puke
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
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