She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
