Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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