Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
