Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
