I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
