we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
