I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize