don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
