he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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