she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just want nice things and good sex
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
