The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
