you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize