speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
i believe in u and ur pee
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