I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
