she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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