Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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