meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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