someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize