Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
