I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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