I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
