you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
