Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
