also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
