DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
