Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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