I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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