You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
