I wannas sexs uuuuu
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You are a genius and a whore.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
