I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
