last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We left the knife in your bed.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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