I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
