Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
