Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
