She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize