Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
