So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
