4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
