We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
