Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
