How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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